First of all, I just want to thank you all for your comments last week! I’m so glad you all enjoyed reading my post about my grandpa… I have to admit, I had some teary eyes while writing it, so I put a little extra heart into it for you all.

What I have not put my heart into, however, is my diet these last few weeks.
Scratch that. I may not have been strict on my diet like I would have been in the past. But, I have been realistic.

Let me say up front that I hate the word “diet.” It has so many negative connotations to it. To many people, the word is blasphemy—especially when you love to cook and eat like I do! I think I first uttered the phrase “I’m on a diet” when I was just 13 years old. Sad, but true. (What is our society coming to? That’s a whole different post in itself, though.) Ever since then, which was about ten years ago, I have been on countless “diets.” And, my weight has been up and down.

Thankfully, I am not as concerned with my weight now as I was ten, or even five, years ago. What can you expect? At those ages, you are going through middle school, high school, and starting out at a new college. But, after a year at college, I learned that there were bigger things to worry about than how flat my stomach was. This, I think, was a good learning curve to go ‘round, despite the late nights of beer and pizza that I, like many other college students, munched through. While I may have gained some weight during college, I have many fun memories of great times with friends that I wouldn’t give up, even if doing so would magically melt ten pounds off my thighs. (Tempting…but…nope.)

Now, it may sound ridiculous saying that I don’t care as much now about my weight and diet as I did back then, seeing as I write about my weight and exercising and diet every week. But, the difference now is that the word “diet” means something entirely new to me. Before, the word diet had many negative synonyms: deprivation, bingeing, hunger, salad, a depressing lack of chocolate, cardboard-like foods with little real nutrition. But now, I see that a “diet” is something that we are ALL on. It is simply the food that we take in every day, good and bad. You can have a healthy diet; you can also have an unhealthy diet. Heck, your dog is on a diet. It eats, right?

I have slowly made a change in the way I see food and my diet. I no longer deprive myself. If I want a cheeseburger, a monster cookie (which I admit I devoured today), or a couple glasses of wine on Friday night, then I’m going to have it and not feel guilty about it. I will have these things in moderation. The problem I used to have was that I thought that I had to be “on a diet” to eat healthily, and that diet meant absolutely no splurging on burgers and cookies and wine. I would restrict myself for a few weeks, lose several pounds, and then return to my old ways of eating junk 24/7 and not listening to what my body really wanted to eat. Now, I see that my everyday diet should consist of mostly healthy foods because they will help fuel my body and mind and creativity. But that chocolate still has a small place in there too, and that is just fine.

I first started this journey to get down to a healthy and realistic weight of 145 pounds; I still want to reach that goal. However, I now realize that the digital, blocky grey numbers that pop up after I stand on the scale for a few moments are just numbers. Getting down to 145 pounds represents a goal to me, a goal to be happy with myself and to be healthy again.

I may not have reached the 145 pound [non]tipping point yet, but, I have already reached the goal of becoming happy with myself and being healthier than I have been in a long while.

What does the word “diet” mean to you? What about your weight? Are they just words and numbers, or do they mean something bigger to you—good or bad?

Fat Stats:
Starting weight: 166 pounds
Last week: 150 pounds
This week: 149.5 pounds
Goal weight: 145 pounds

Live, laugh, eat, drink & be healthy!
Amanda
@jockey_amanda

P.S. I would also like to minorly announce that this past weekend, I managed to shimmy into my skinny, skinny jeans. They were a little snug, but who cares. Woo-flippin-hoo!

This morning, as I was browsing through my closet figuring out what to wear, I glanced up at the shelf that held my jeans in a nice, neat pile. All of my normal jeans that I usually wear were dirty—ugh. Only three pairs remained: my skinny jeans, which have not fit in a long time (not sure if they ever DID fit when I bought them), an old pair of tattered and holey jeans that aren’t quite work-appropriate, and one more pair…a soft, comfy pair that I use to wear all the time.

“All the time” meaning last summer, that is. I have not worn these jeans in SO long, because around Halloween last year they started to feel a little snug. So, they got shoved to the bottom of the jean stack and have not seen the light of day since…

Until TODAY! Yes, that’s right. As I pulled the jeans off the shelf and unfolded them, I was afraid to try them on: what if they still didn’t fit, even after all of this hard work? But I pulled one leg up, then the other, hopped up and down once or twice (we women all know that move), and voila! The jeans FIT! I could barely believe it. I knew I had been working hard, eating healthier and trimming down, but for some reason in my mind I was afraid that it just hadn’t been enough.

But it was enough, and now I am sitting here in my office chair with my trusty old jeans on (and they aren’t even too tight sitting down, woohoo), sharing the moment with you, feeling silly for not trying these suckers on sooner. I’m sure they’re glad to be back out in the world.

With this triumph, I realize I have less than 10 pounds to go to reach my goal weight, and only 2 more weeks of the Jockey® Weight Loss Challenge. I finally lost a little more weight again this past week, so I am even more motivated to keep pushing those pounds off, even if I don’t do it by the time the Challenge is officially “over.” Because let’s be real—even when the corporate Challenge is over, the challenge of everyday life will still be here to try to derail me.

P.S. I face the trials of vacation again this weekend—let’s hope that after a weekend with family, lots of dad’s homemade vino, wedding cake and my mom’s delicious cooking, that these jeans still fit on Monday. :)

Fat Stats:
Starting weight: 166 pounds
Last week: 154.5 pounds
This week: 153 pounds
Goal weight: 145 pounds

Cheers!
Amanda
@jockey_amanda